Sunday, October 1, 2006

More Important But: Eye-Candyland

Danke, Davydenko, danke! It’s Sept. 7th, 2006, and Nikolay Davydenko has just beaten Tommy Haas in the quarterfinals of the U.S. Open of tennis, and I’m thrilled! I’m not a Davydenko fan per se, but I rooted for him because in the previous rounds of the tournament, his opponent, Haas, personally upset me by advancing over two players I covet: Robby Ginepri and Marat Safin.

Haas first defeated my beloved Robby Ginepri in the 3rd round of the Open in a close 5th set tie-break. I know there are more important things in the world, but if Haas had lost to Ginepri, I could have witnessed a SUPREME eye-candy tennis match between Ginepri and Marat Safin in the 4th round. Now, I can only dream of the Ginepri vs. Safin match-up. In my despair, all I was able to do was root against Haas simply because he prevented a Pretty vs. Pretty match.

I probably should talk to Lady Doc about my irrational and immature feelings towards Haas, but most sports fans need therapy for their absurd notions towards players and teams. So, I don’t think I’m that bad off (yet). I understand that Haas has no clue who I am and has no ill-will towards me. But, in my vision of eye-candyland, Hass is a colossal villain. I mean, check out the match that could have been. Here’s Robby, a 23-year-old All-American piece of candy who resides in Georgia (and has my unwavering devotion):

Then, there’s the 26-year-old Russian hot-head and all-around hottie, Marat Safin:
Why Haas, why? I just wanted to see Robby play (and ultimately beat) Marat in five sets of SWEATY, SHIRT-LIFTING, GRUNT-FILLED, PRETTY (and maybe a little dirty) TENNIS. Sugar! Is that too much to ask?

According to, Robby and Marat have only played twice before in the past, but I missed both matches. This summer’s U.S. Open draw gave me hope and another chance. I just wanted to see some candy battle candy, but Haas ruined it for me (and other discerning tennis hooligans, I mean fans).

To add insult to injury, Haas beat Safin in the 4th round, in another unconvincing 5th set tie-break win. So, when Haas advanced over another one of my sweet lads and met Davydenko in the quarters, all I cared about was Haas losing, which is probably bad karma. But, I’m hoping that sports fans (especially tennis and soccer fans, which I count myself among) get a karmic free-pass when it comes to wishing losses upon others.

Nonetheless, in eye-candyland, the stakes are high, and I play for keeps, Playaz! What??? Paging Lady Doc.....

Robby pic © Atlanta Peach
For more info on Robby, visit

Marat pic Copyright Control
For more info on Marat, visit