Lady Hooligan Approved: Hint Water

by Hillzie

Lady Hooligans: I think we can all agree that we want to feel healthier, happier and have great skin. We’ve long been told that drinking eight glasses of water each day is recommended for proper nutrition and doesn’t hurt the epidermis, but who can work up a thirst for good old-fashioned water when there’s constantly a mocha frappuccino or dry martini within reach?

Enter Hint Premium Essence Water. Your taste buds will thrill to the taste of natural flavors skinny-dipping in purified water. No sugar or artificial sweeteners, no calories, NO CATCH! There’s not even a drop of mysterious herbs or mystifying chemicals in these delicious natural beverages.

While the hooligan in you may crave the fleeting pleasure of a quickie with Johnny-Come-Latelies such as Tab Energy and Coke Blak, the lady in you knows that you’ll regret it in the morning. Hint has made the right choice both fun and easy with their appealing variety of flavors (lime, pear, cucumber, pomegranate-tangerine, cranberry-orange, apple, mint, tropical punch, peppermint, and raspberry-lime). Kat, our Editor-in-Chief and resident Persian Princess, has taken a liking to the cucumber flavor. After working up a sweat on the tennis court or doing research for her provocative prose, Lady Lorelei enjoys the pear. We think you'll fall in love with your own flavor of Hint too.

More Important But: Eye-Candyland

Danke, Davydenko, danke! It’s Sept. 7th, 2006, and Nikolay Davydenko has just beaten Tommy Haas in the quarterfinals of the U.S. Open of tennis, and I’m thrilled! I’m not a Davydenko fan per se, but I rooted for him because in the previous rounds of the tournament, his opponent, Haas, personally upset me by advancing over two players I covet: Robby Ginepri and Marat Safin.

Haas first defeated my beloved Robby Ginepri in the 3rd round of the Open in a close 5th set tie-break. I know there are more important things in the world, but if Haas had lost to Ginepri, I could have witnessed a SUPREME eye-candy tennis match between Ginepri and Marat Safin in the 4th round. Now, I can only dream of the Ginepri vs. Safin match-up. In my despair, all I was able to do was root against Haas simply because he prevented a Pretty vs. Pretty match.

I probably should talk to Lady Doc about my irrational and immature feelings towards Haas, but most sports fans need therapy for their absurd notions towards players and teams. So, I don’t think I’m that bad off (yet). I understand that Haas has no clue who I am and has no ill-will towards me. But, in my vision of eye-candyland, Hass is a colossal villain. I mean, check out the match that could have been. Here’s Robby, a 23-year-old All-American piece of candy who resides in Georgia (and has my unwavering devotion):

Then, there’s the 26-year-old Russian hot-head and all-around hottie, Marat Safin:
Why Haas, why? I just wanted to see Robby play (and ultimately beat) Marat in five sets of SWEATY, SHIRT-LIFTING, GRUNT-FILLED, PRETTY (and maybe a little dirty) TENNIS. Sugar! Is that too much to ask?

According to atptennis.com, Robby and Marat have only played twice before in the past, but I missed both matches. This summer’s U.S. Open draw gave me hope and another chance. I just wanted to see some candy battle candy, but Haas ruined it for me (and other discerning tennis hooligans, I mean fans).

To add insult to injury, Haas beat Safin in the 4th round, in another unconvincing 5th set tie-break win. So, when Haas advanced over another one of my sweet lads and met Davydenko in the quarters, all I cared about was Haas losing, which is probably bad karma. But, I’m hoping that sports fans (especially tennis and soccer fans, which I count myself among) get a karmic free-pass when it comes to wishing losses upon others.

Nonetheless, in eye-candyland, the stakes are high, and I play for keeps, Playaz! What??? Paging Lady Doc.....

Robby pic © Atlanta Peach
For more info on Robby, visit www.robbyginepri.com

Marat pic Copyright Control
For more info on Marat, visit safinator.com

CONNERISMS

by Hillzie and Kat

Conner, the Lady Hooligans’ tennis coach, has allowed us to discuss and define some of his on-court expressions, which we lovingly call “Connerisms”. Conner punctuates our weekly one-hour class on Court 8 with one, two and three-word phrases to help guide us in our tennis journey. They often prove useful off-court as well. And, yes, Conner is a Pretty; did you even have to ask?

Accelerate = Finish the stroke by accelerating through the end of the swing. Legend has it this will help prevent “homeruns” and run-ins with the dreaded tape.

Finish Your Swing = If this requires explanation you may not be ready for the wisdom of Conner.

Get Low or Git Low = Bend those knees and get down for that shot. This has something to do with physics.

Get Up, Git Up, Get There or Git There = Move your ass and sprint to the ball!

Good = A nice, decent shot. Variation: Nice.

Mercy = Noun: an extra chance to take your shot, after blowing the first and second feed. Verb: when you beg for one more feed.

No = Just playin’. As in, “Nadal is coming by later to hit with you. No.”

Pimp Snap or Pimp Snizzap = A certain je ne sais quois needed for a tasty serve or over-head shot. A phat snap of the wrist.

Pink or Pinkie = An actual pink tennis ball thrown into the mix to keep us on our toes. Kind of like getting the Whammy on Press Your Luck. No wait, Conner’s dog ball was more like a Whammy. Thud! Thank goodness someone stole that.

Regroup = The mother of all Connerisms. After losing your focus, your balance or your racquet you must regroup and get back in the game. It’s a life lesson, really.

Show Me Again, Again or Uno Mas = Despite your turn technically being over, Conner will make you see the error of your ways and give you a chance or chances to finish on a Good one.

Soft Hands = Noun: when you possess a delicate drop shot-making ability, especially up at the net. Verb: when you need to figure out how to get this delicate drop shot-making ability.

Sugar = A sweet, universal replacement for foul language. As in, “Sugar!”

That’s Dirty = A sly shot that wins the point. Not necessarily fair or sportsmanlike, but a winner. Is “Dirty” bad or good? You be the judge. Variation: Dirty-Dirty. Unsportsmanlike.

That’s Tough = A hard ball to get to. Completely fair and all, but you got beat.

Too Good = What we strive for! A shot that is beautiful and unbeatable. A fair and untouchable winner.

Twisty or Twisty McGee = Not holding your proper stance and twisting your mid-section too early during your stroke. Variation: Hold Your Position. The more direct approach.

Win by Two = When a competition is close there must be a definitive winner. Tying is for sailors. Players win by two.

Connerisms © CK

Lady Hooligan Points

by Kat

Aretha said it THE best when she sang, “R.E.S.P.E.C.T, find out what it means to me!” Please allow me to give you my view on Lady Hooligan Points. This isn’t about points on a scoreboard or about winners and losers. It’s about getting out there and being cheeky. It’s about making your fellow Lady Hooligans proud! You win figurative Lady Hooligan Points and RESPECT by getting out of your shy comfort-zone, doing something fun and giving your friends a laugh. Perhaps some real-life examples can help illustrate the concept:

Scoring a golf-cart for the Ladys (sic) to get them from the parking lot to the stadium entrance = POINT!

Snagging a picture with Paradorn Srichaphan or the Audio Bullys = POINTS!

Pulling a prank on your tennis instructor = POINT!

Tickling a Pretty’s muscular tattooed arm on his way out of the bar = POINT!

Yelling “Go, Lady!” and/or “Sell, It!” at an athlete = POINT!

E-mailing Lady Sovereign’s foxy DJ and getting a reply = POINT!

Are you catching my drift? It’s basically a fun personal dare. Once you’ve done the deed, claim the point (or points if it’s a huge score). Hopefully, your fellow Lady Hooligans witnessed the act of cheekiness. In that case, just look at them, smile and say “Lady Hooligan point!” If there are no witnesses, pictures are great. Stories and e-mails are also acceptable, as we have no need to doubt fellow Lady Hooligans. In fact, your colleagues will most likely grant you points without you having to claim them since a point for you is ultimately a point for ALL LADY HOOLIGANS!

Listen, I’m not saying go out there and be obnoxious. There’s a fine line between cheeky and obnoxious, but don’t let that scare you. Trust me, missing a Lady Hooligan Points-possibility is worse than making a fool of yourself. Life is so short, and opportunities are few. I have one word to share with you: KEANE. They’re one of my favorite bands, and all three members of the band were hanging out by our tennis court one Sunday morning. But, I froze! The fact that I was sweaty and self-conscious prevented me from just saying hello to a group of fellas whose music means a lot to me and from scoring huge points.

I’ve been scarred by that incident. It may sound silly, but the fellow players who were present can verify my paralyzing meltdown. It was uncharacteristic of me, and my fellow Lady Hooligans and I have since come up with a confidential plan to overcome shyness if a difficult mission ever presents itself again.

As far as Keane, I never thought I would have the chance to meet them again. I thought just writing about “the incident” would be cathartic and help heal my wound. But, their fantastic new album, Under the Iron Sea, has just been released, and they have been promoting it around town. So, long story short, with the help of my kind friends (specific thanks to Lady Sophie, Lady Lorelei and Lad Raul), I was lucky enough to meet the band! Redemption!

Lady/Lad Hooligans present, Picture taken, E-mail sent and Story told = LADY HOOLIGAN POINTS scored!

So, take it from me, please don’t let a fun opportunity pass you by. Give the LADY HOOLIGAN POINTS concept a try, and feel free to e-mail me about it.

Go, Lady! & Sell It!

The Go, Lady! Mixes

June 2006
Go, Lady! Mix Volume 1

1. Roxanne - The Police
2. Girl - Beck
3. Lady - Mojo
4. Like a Lady - The Sounds
5. Lady - The Datsuns
6. Lady Strange - Def Leppard
7. Foxy Lady - Jimi Hendrix
8. Ladies First- Queen Latifah
9. Ladyfingers- Luscious Jackson
10. That Lady - The Isley Brothers
11. Lady Marmalade - LaBelle
12. Dark Lady - Cher
13. Lady - The Dan Band
14. Lady Love - Mama Cass
15. Moonlight Lady - Julio Iglesias
16. Lady - Menudo
17. Lay, Lady, Lay - Bob Dylan
18. The Lady in Red - Chris DeBurgh
19. Three Times a Lady - The Commodores
20. Lady - Kenny Rogers

Go, Lady! Mix Volume 2

1. Random - Lady Sovereign
2. Ladybird - Ladytron
3. Ladykillers - Lush
4. Lady - Lenny Kravitz
5. Dinner Lady Arms - The Darkness
6. She's a Lady - Tom Jones
7. Ladies Night - Kool & the Gang
8. Mystery Lady - Billy Ocean
9. Lady Madonna - The Beatles
10. Lady of the 80's - Loverboy
11. Luck Be a Lady - Frank Sinatra
12. Boss Lady - The Detroit Cobras
13. Lady Luck - Lloyd Price
14. The Lady is a Tramp - Peggy Lee
15. Lady Bird - Nancy Sinatra
16. Lady December - The Concretes
17. The Lady in My Life - Michael Jackson
18. Take You on a Cruise - Interpol
19. My Lady Story - Antony & the Johnsons
20. Nubian Lady (Metisse Remix) - Yusef Lateef

Go, Lady! Mix Volume 3 (The B-Sides)

1. Spanish Lady - Irish Drinking Songs
2. So Lady - Mary J. Blige
3. Lady (You Bring Me Up) - Commodores
4. Be My Lady - Kool & the Gang
5. Be My Lady - Rick James
6. Disco Lady - Johnnie Taylor
7. Lady Luck - Journey
8. Be My Lady - Jefferson Airplane
9. Sweet Lady Genevieve - The Kinks
10. Lady Stardust - David Bowie
11. Have You Ever Been (to Electric Ladyland) - Jimi Hendrix
12. I've Never Been to Me - Charlene
13. Ain't No Way to Treat a Lady - Helen Reddy
14. Lady d'Arbaville - Cat Stevens
15. Lady - The Whispers
16. You are My Lady - Freddie Jackson
17. While My Lady Sleeps - Chet Baker
18. Sophisticated Lady - Julie London
19. Lady Sings the Blues - Billie Holiday
20. Lady Be Good - Django Reinhardt
*BONUS TRACK* Hey Ladies - The Beastie Boys